


so run (to where the waves end)

by kangbora (ohfiitz)



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: (except maybe for the last part but we're claiming it), Canon Compliant, Deja Vu Era, F/F, Minx Era, Trainee Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26209738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohfiitz/pseuds/kangbora
Summary: They say the sea is the best keeper of secrets – it swallows one’s sadness and drowns it until all that’s left is salt and a heart that’s now a little bit braver.(Or, three times Siyeon and Yoohyeon run away to the sea)
Relationships: Kim Yoohyeon/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39
Collections: DreamCatcher Taylor Swift Ficfest 2k20





	so run (to where the waves end)

**Author's Note:**

> \- here's my entry to the dc taylor swift ficfest! thank you so much to radicalmomocist for organizing this event!!  
> \- the song i got was 'only the young.' i know that song is about political activism and i originally planned on writing a political fic for this, but then i realized that the girls have dealt with other forms of injustice over the years and just the fact that they're still here as a group is an act of resistance, in a way. hence, this.  
> \- that being said, the fic is based around actual hardships that the girls went through so if you don't want to be sad about that or if it makes you uncomfortable, don't read this.  
> \- the title is from only the young (obviously lmao) but also from day6's 'where the sea sleeps'!

_i._

The first time Siyeon ran away with Yoohyeon, she was eighteen and Yoohyeon was sixteen. It wasn’t something they planned very well (or at all, really), but if you asked the two of them about it they’d both blame it on a random game of _Never Have I Ever_ with their fellow trainees.

“Unnie, you’ve never been to the beach?!” Yoohyeon had yelled through a mouthful of chocolate.

The accusation made Siyeon roll her eyes.

“Of course I’ve been to the beach, Yoohyeon-ie. I’ve just never been to an _island._ ” It wasn’t something to be ashamed about, of course. It wasn’t Siyeon’s fault she grew up in a landlocked city and her parents just never were the type to fly all of them out for a family vacation.

“Huh. Okay.” Yoohyeon narrowed her eyes at that and approached her a few days later with a proposition.

She meant to say no. She really did. But Yoohyeon was looking at her with that Yoohyeon sparkle in her eyes, and Siyeon found herself nodding before she could even second-guess her decision.

They fumbled through the process but managed to get tickets to the earliest bus to Incheon on a Saturday. It was Yoohyeon’s hometown and her eldest brother owned a cabin in Muuido, a small island near the airport. They were just staying over the weekend, so they only packed a change of clothes and some swimming outfits. Siyeon had never really been on a trip like this before but she knew that Yoohyeon tends to get peckish during long rides so she packed some sandwiches and egg rolls just to be safe. The ferry trip was not as eventful as Siyeon expected it to be, but the island exceeded all her expectations. They arrived just a little after daybreak, but the crystal clear waters were still calm and illuminated by the warm, inviting glow of the summer sun. It was the most magnificent thing Siyeon had ever seen. (Yoohyeon was smug about it the entire day, and Siyeon just let her.) 

Yoohyeon’s brother’s cabin was located at a prime spot – near the beach but isolated enough that they could make as much noise as they wanted – and they spent the entire morning playing in the water and singing at the top of their lungs. At least here no one was there to tell them that their pitch was off, or their technique wrong, or their expressions not charming enough. Here, they were just two young girls having fun.

The cabin was equipped with a top-notch grilling setup, but neither of the two had the patience for any form of cooking (much less fishing), anyway, so they opted to go to the island’s commercial center for the best seafood. When they saunter back to the cabin, bellies full and hearts brimming with an intoxicating kind of joy, it was already past bedtime.

They were supposed to shower and get to bed but the air was so refreshing outside and the stars were bright against the clear night sky and they were just too tired so they just ended up lying side-by-side on the picnic table.

Siyeon inhaled the salty sea breeze and let it fill up her chest.

“Unnie,” Yoohyeon poked her after a few minutes of silence. “Would you rather be trapped underwater or in outer space?”

Siyeon would rather not be trapped anywhere at all, but she still considered the question for a bit, studying the dotted sky. “Hmm. Outer space, maybe. That’s a whole lot bigger, isn’t it? I think it would feel less suffocating.”

Yoohyeon hummed in acknowledgment.

“I’d choose underwater. Did you know the ocean is where all life on earth began? It would be quite poetic to die there, too. It’d be like coming back to the source of life.”

The randomness of the thought made Siyeon smile. Yoohyeon really is wise beyond her years. “Yoohyeon-ie, you’re too young to be thinking of death. Go to sleep.”

“I just think it's beautiful how we could die and one day the energy that used to be part of us would be part of something as beautiful as the sea. But okay. Good night, unnie.”

_ii._

The second time Siyeon ran away with Yoohyeon was when everything came falling apart. She’ll never forget the exact moment they heard the news. She remembers seeing Yoohyeon’s face going from confused to shocked to completely heartbroken and thinking: _she’s just a kid._ She may have been too smart and tenacious for her own good but at the end of the day, she was still just a kid. They were all just kids, really, and the world was too cruel to make them go through this kind of grief at such a young age.

This time it was Siyeon who asked.

She was hit with the realization that they sacrificed their fleeting youth working for a dream that ended too quickly, too soon as she laid in bed with the word _“disbandment”_ echoing over and over in her head, and before she knew it she was knocking on Yoohyeon’s door.

“Yoohyeon-ie, let’s run away.”

It was all Yoohyeon needed to hear. Within a couple of hours they were on their way to Incheon, clutching each other’s hands as they sit in the bus in silence.

The thing about the sea is that it is as fickle as the human heart. One moment it’s still and serene, the next second it’s thrashing its waves against the helpless shore. Their first time at this beach was a relaxing one. It was a means of escape, yes, but the stakes were far lower back then and nature was kind enough to take them in and give them all the rest they needed.

The second time was entirely different – the winds were colder and the sea was harsh and cruel in its own quiet way and their young bodies much too tired. It was all too much.

There was no singing that day. There would be no singing for a few months after that. Siyeon and Yoohyeon would retreat to PC rooms for hours on end, playing games and eating nothing but ramen and refusing to listen to music because it would just remind them of their failure.

And when she’s too tired from the hurting Siyeon would look back at their second time in Muuido, watching the waves ebb and flow and screaming their lungs out. Yoohyeon had said that the sea is the best keeper of secrets – it swallows one’s sadness and drowns it until all that’s left is salt and a heart that’s now a little bit braver. And it worked. It didn’t make the pain go away but it did make Siyeon feel brave enough to try again.

_iii._

Siyeon had read all about it – about how people would sometimes go on a spontaneous trip, escape to the mountains or to the beach or to some faraway foreign city to get over someone they loved. But she and Yoohyeon were not like most people. They were built for an entirely different kind of heartbreak, and it went like this: holding hands on stage, smiles on their faces as they listened to a voiceover announce yet another name that was not theirs. Confetti fell and they clapped and bowed and smiled and tightened their grip on each other, a reminder not to crack and break down in front of the cameras. They did the cracking afterwards when they’re home at the dorm and oh, did they crack.

Minji was the one who handled it best (as she always does). A few minutes of crying alone in her room and she was back to leader mode, consoling the members and ordering chicken and beer for everyone and making sure that Bora was supplied with all the junk food she needed. Yubin retired to her studio and both Gahyeon and Handong went to bed earlier than usual, Gahyeon not even bothering to take her makeup off, so Yoohyeon was left to munch on her chicken in silence with the unnies. As soon as her eyes met Siyeon's, they both knew they were going on a trip that weekend. 

The moment they arrived at the cabin, Yoohyeon dumped all their bags and pushed Siyeon against the door, kissing her aggressively. Yoohyeon was angry. That doesn’t happen too often. Siyeon considered kissing her back. She could taste the rage and desperation on Yoohyeon's lips and for a brief moment she wanted to kiss it all away. 

But the thing was: it was also the first time that Siyeon went on a trip with Yoohyeon after realizing she’s in love with her.

"Yoohyeon." Siyeon said as she gently pried Yoohyeon away from her.

"Unnie, please. Please just... just let me do this." Yoohyeon begged with her eyes shut tight. She was trying not to cry.

“Yoohyeon, look at me.” Siyeon cupped Yoohyeon’s face in her palm, softly caressing her cheek with her thumb. “You can cry, you know? You can be angry. It’s okay to be angry.”

Yoohyeon broke into sobs right then, her whole body shaking, and Siyeon pulled her in for a hug. She was taller, and Siyeon had always thought she was steady and strong and uncompromising, like a tree, but that day she felt so small in Siyeon's arms. Siyeon didn't feel strong at all, but she wanted to be. She felt like she needed to be. 

“It’s just so unfair.”

“I know, honey. I know.”

“Are _you_ angry?”

Siyeon exhaled roughly. _Angry_ was not enough to describe what she felt. She felt wronged, and resentful, and she felt like a failure even though she knew that none of them are. “Absolutely furious. I’m so mad I could punch a man right now.”

That made Yoohyeon laugh through her tears. “What do you mean? You’d punch a man even if you’re not mad.”

Siyeon broke into a smile. It was incredible how Yoohyeon could still laugh at the situation they were in, and how hearing the soft trill of her chuckle made her own anger dissipate. She continued rubbing circles on Yoohyeon's back until she felt their breathing slow down and fall into sync. 

“That’s right.”

Yoohyeon let her head fall onto Siyeon’s shoulder. “Sorry for kissing you,” she whispered after a while.

Siyeon wanted to tell her everything – how she’d let Yoohyeon kiss her anytime, how she'd let Yoohyeon do anything, probably, how she never really knew what love felt like until seeing Yoohyeon's smile started to make her feel like she was drowning while leaving her wanting more of it – but it wasn't the right time, so instead she pressed a soft kiss at the top of Yoohyeon’s head and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

On the other side of the door the sea raged on. It was a particularly windy day and the waves were violent and unrelenting, but Siyeon felt Yoohyeon's heartbeat settle and she knew they'd be alright.

“Can we watch the stars again tonight?” Yoohyeon looked up at her from teary eyes. 

“Of course, Yoohyeon-ie. We can do whatever you want.”

++

Today Siyeon watches a different Yoohyeon lying in the living room floor, bone-tired and spent with the hustle of promotions but delirious with the ecstasy of finally, _finally_ getting their first music show win.

She’ll remember this, too, like she remembers the look on Yoohyeon’s face that night they got their hearts broken with the news of disbandment.

She realizes how long it’s been since they went to see the ocean, just the two of them. Yoohyeon starts to snore and Siyeon contemplates asking her when she wakes up. But then again, there’s no compelling reason to. So instead she takes a pillow and lies down on the floor next to Yoohyeon, watching the steady ebb and flow of her breathing as she falls into a serene slumber. This will do for now. 

Maybe when the right time comes, she can tell Yoohyeon how she feels. Maybe one day they'll run away again. But tonight, they stay.

**Author's Note:**

> you may find me on twitter @kimborararara!


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